By: Jordyn Taylor|January 24, 2019
Most mothers would agree, pregnancy is a huge contradiction. It’s both beautiful and frightening, especially if you’re going through the process alone.
That was my experience. Alone and pregnant, while caring for an 18-month-old.
Currently, my kids’ father and I are doing our best to co-parent and to re-establish a friendly relationship. I forgive him. But, I will never forget!
Here’s a glimpse of what it was like for me, as a pregnant single mom, followed by tips on how to maintain your happiness while rocking a pregnancy solo!
Journal Entry, June 7, 2018:
Going through a divorce while pregnant is the hardest thing I’ve ever had to endure.
I’m 36 weeks pregnant and excited to finally meet my baby girl.
But, the joy I feel about her arrival gets bombarded by court dates, restraining orders, custody hearings, and family feuds days before her arrival.
I feel horrible that my daughter is about to enter a world so cold that her own father doesn’t respect her mother. He’s not even descent enough to keep his “celebrity” mistress and now girlfriend, Pepa, from my home during his visits with our one-year-old son.
It’s easy to say: move on.
I’m trying to do that, but it’s hard not to be hurt when you’re carrying a baby inside of you.
Our daughter, made in love, is now twisted up in a trashy reality show lie!
I know divorce is hard, but this is a new level of cold-heartedness I never imagined I would be receiving from the man I once called my king. My husband.
We didn’t have to end like this.
I often say: When it rains, let it rain!
But, I wasn’t ready for this storm.
Still, I put on a strong face for our son, my family, and friends. As they furiously watch the man I once held in high regard treat me like trash.
Meanwhile, I try to remain calm and confident, so our unborn daughter doesn’t feel my hurt… but my heart is broken.
Note to Legacy: it’s a cold world little princess. Trust no man, but God.
People will switch up on you, lie to you, and try to convince you that you’re wrong. Don’t be fooled, sweetheart. Know who you are.
I’m just praying my son grows up to be a Godly man with integrity and respect for women. Especially, for his wife.
That was written during my third trimester of pregnancy. Emotions were running high and I was filled with disappointment.
It was the little things that started to hurt, like not having a spouse around to drive me to prenatal visits.
I went to most of my check-ups alone.
Then one day I decided to bring my mom and son along. It turned out to be one of the best experiences.
When I think about my pregnancy, this video is what comes to my mind. Which leads to my first tip of happiness through heartbreak:
1.) Build your support system. You’re not as alone as you may feel. My mom was elated when I asked her to join me on a prenatal visit.
Previously, I never considered inviting her because I was already receiving so much of my mother’s support that I didn’t want to inconvenience her, or burden my mom with anymore of my responsibilities. Plus, I kept telling myself: you’re a single mom now. You need to get used to doing everything on your own. I was wrong!
Your loved ones will feel honored to be a part of this journey. Remember, babies are blessings. Share this experience with family and friends.
2.) Reach out to other single moms who are happy and thriving.
They understand what you’re going through. They’ve been there and can offer the encouragement you need. This certainly helped ease some of my concerns about the future.
3.) Ask a friend or relative to act as your birthing partner, both for labor and throughout the pregnancy.
My cousin, Chanelle, became my “babies’ daddy.” She was my birthing partner and coached me through a NATURAL delivery. I still can’t believe I did that with no epidural!
Prior to that, Chanelle would often treat me to lunch and we’d get manicures and pedicure together – which leads to another major key:
4.) Self care!
Never give up on yourself.
No matter how I felt, I’d get up, apply a little make up, and dress up.
When you look nice, you often feel better.
And, if you add a daily dose of walking to your routine – you’ll feel even better.
Exercise is good for your soul and baby.
5.) Finally, no matter how nasty your partner is treating you, take your eyes off him & put your focus on the Lord. I promise He is with you.
God won’t take your pain away, but He will give you the strength to get through it.
What you focus on, grows.
If you look for what’s wrong, that’s all you will see. Perspective is powerful. Change your vision.
Stay focused on the good things God is doing. For example, He’s entrusting you to be a mom!
What a beautiful blessing it is to be pregnant. There’s nothing that can compare to having a sweet baby that’s yours to raise and share a life with.
Some women are praying for what you have right now. Be grateful.