By: Jordyn Taylor| February 7, 2019
Let me tell you how hard this was.
I was going through an entire pregnancy alone.
While also trying so hard NOT to see my newly estranged husband living a glamorous life – globe trotting with his “rich” girlfriend.
The family I was building was gone.
You ask friends and family not to share the details of your spouse’s social media page with you, but many can’t help themselves. They are now more astonished and angered by the blatant disrespect than you are.
On top of that, strangers are bombarding you with screenshots, DMs, and questions about the husband you no longer know.
More mistresses were coming forward with their confessions & apologies, hoping to mourn the loss of “your” man together.
Maybe I should have logged off for a while. It could have protected me from being more hurt while pregnant.
But, I needed to see the truth for myself.
I needed to know who I had really married, so that I wouldn’t fold if he ever tried to come back!
I accepted the truth. He didn’t love me anymore.
But, there was still so much more work to be done.
I had to forgive!
This was a bigger pill to swallow.
How do you forgive someone who keeps disrespecting you?
And, how do you forgive someone who isn’t fucking sorry?
I get it. People fall in and out of love all the time. But, what I couldn’t grasp was the disregard for my feelings, the disrespect to our family unit, or the anger towards me.
It felt like I went from being his queen to becoming his nemesis within a blink of an eye.
Suddenly, everything happening was my fault.
I got myself pregnant.
I caused the media circus.
I’m seeking fame and attention.
Meanwhile, he was posting pictures and tagging “The Shaderoom” and other entertainment blogs. Plus, filming a freaking reality show as Salt N Pepa’s bodyguard and as Pepa’s lover!
I wonder if men ever take the time needed to reflect on their own actions.
Why is it so hard for some men to take accountability for their actions.
Even after the fire is out, they will not admit to igniting it.
I’m so tired of the “crazy ex” or “crazy baby mama” narrative men use to deflect where they went wrong.
Still, we must forgive them and heal, right?
Well, me forgiving was allowing the man who had treated me so badly to come to the hospital after our daughter was born. That was the first step.
Did I receive balloons, flowers, or a push present? Nope.
Did I expect it? Yes!
I just had a natural birth, buddy… without an epidural.
I want all the respect!
But, single moms don’t get much respect; yet the high road is one we must always take.
As I swallowed my pride and aimed to keep the focus on Legacy, I was glad to see her father loving on her as she deserved.
No matter how much we don’t like our children’s fathers, it’s important for us to support their relationship with the kids.
Children need both parents.
God created it this way for a reason.
I remember praying:
Lord please remove all the anger and hurt from my heart. Help me to forgive him. I want to be a good role model, a great mother, and a loving-kind woman of strength.
But, life doesn’t care about your prayers. You can pray all day and still get beat up until your broken.
There is no magic potion, prayer, or fairy dust that’s going to make your life just happen the way you want it to.
You have to put in the work and activate your prayers.
Things often got heated between me and my ex, as we tried this new co-parenting thing.
Two hurt and stubborn people can be a recipe for disaster.
But, as my faith grew, I learned how to deal with conflict better.
When I felt disrespected, I would try not to react at all. Instead I’d ask myself: will your actions line up with your prayers? If not, be still.
Don’t give away your power.
It was hard separating the hurt and just parenting. The tension between us was palpable.
I don’t feel like he truly understands what he put me and the kids through. Nor did I believe, at that time, that he was genuinely sorry.
He was so blind and self-absorbed. It infuriated me.
I remember one day my spirit told me: pray for him.
But, because I wasn’t all the way healed, I resisted. I didn’t want to do that.
Stubbornly, I stood my ground: Pray for him?
I’m all prayed out on him, Lord.
So, we struggled to get along a bit longer.
Exhausted, I finally accepted that only God could deliver the peace needed for me to be a great mom.
So, I had Legend join me and together we prayed for his dad.
Something beautiful happens when you pray for your enemies.
It stops you from seeing them as the villain and gives you a sense of peace.
God’s Word reminded me that we are in a spiritual battle.
“For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places.”Ephesians 6:12
The devil is an expert at destroying families. Don’t let him use you.
Whether you’re separated, divorced, or a single parent, you should always be praying for your children’s father/mother.
Your kids need you both healed and whole.
During my pregnancy, I wrote this prayer:
“Lord, when I am wronged, help me to relinquish my right to clap back!
Help me to remember the truth of your word in Psalms 135:14 that says you will vindicate me.
And when I am tempted to repay evil for evil, please help me to remember that my struggle is not another human being, but with myself.
My desire is to be a woman who is mature, wise, and who has a sound mind. I want to be a woman who possesses the fruit of your spirit.
Please, help me!”
Oftentimes, my actions didn’t line up with my prayers.
I failed numerously by saying harsh things to my ex. Sadly, I would yell and cuss at him whenever he disappointed me.
But, nobody wins when a family fights, especially not the children.
Our babies look to us for security and guidance, regrettably I wasn’t always the best role model.
But, now I remind myself that God is love.
And, His love should be reflected in your family in spite of your marital status.
So, the next time your ex drives you to the point of calling him “a piece of shit.” Pray for him instead.
Give people a piece of your heart and not your mind.
And learn how to fight in a way that will make a difference: on your knees, in prayer!
Let forgiveness flow, my friends.
God bless us all!