Why He Won’t ”Fess Up” and Why You Shouldn’t Make Him

Have you ever been frustrated by your partner’s refusal to take accountability.

I have, and it drives me insane! 

Just state the facts, is what I was trained to do as a TV journalist.

So, you can imagine how infuriating it is for me to back down when I call my husband out, and he won’t admit when he’s wrong, or conveniently can’t recall an offense.

Ironically, men are great at remembering all of your trip-ups. 

They’re so painfully sensitive you would think they would have more regard for your feelings. But nope, they can’t see past their fragile souls. 

Even when the evidence is clear, somehow, it’s not what it appears, or they diminish their role in the flagrant foul they have committed. 

Yes, you could have been more thoughtful, more loving, more understanding, better at listening, less critical, less selfish — but who wants to admit that? Not men.

It’s easier not to.

It’s easier to make you look crazy.  

He calls you crazy to avoid being accountable.

The diminishing drives me even more insane. 

Frustrated with this dance, I have asked my married friends: Is it that hard for men to admit their faults? 

The result was a unanimous, yes! 

Personal insight is excellent, but I needed professional backing to swallow this pill.

So, I asked my good friend, Google.

Through my search, it was made clear that men are more emotional than women and can’t withstand as much pain. 

So, when your husband makes a mistake or hurts you, he won’t confess because he’s more sensitive than he appears.

And, he is crippled by that male ego.

Psychologists say the reason the male species won’t “fess up” or can’t hear any criticism is because they feel awful when they have done something wrong. 

Some will get angry with you for exposing their weaknesses, and others act unbothered.

Psychologist Karen Sherman, says studies indicate that at a physiological level, men don’t tolerate conflict as well as women. 

They appear fine on the outside, but internally, they’re not okay.

On top of this, a dear friend of mine is a registered nurse, and she shared with me that male preemies in the neonatal unit don’t survive if they don’t receive a lot of skin to skin contact. 

But, female preemies are stronger. She says they can  survive without it. 

So, the issue of your husband not being able to acknowledge his faults is likely not going to change. He’s a sensitive soul —with a lot of maturing to do. 

What’s an empowered woman to do? 

Well, the great poet Maya Angelou said: 

If you can’t change something, change the way you think about it.

They’re not woman enough to stand in their truth. 

Here’s my confession: I didn’t know how to be married, in the first round. 

I was sometimes disrespectful with my words, and said hurtful things.

I would leave for days when things didn’t go my way and block my husband’s calls.  

I’m controlling.

I like to be right, and I won’t stop until you admit that I’m right. 

I have pride issues (i.e., I don’t need you, I can do this alone.) 

And, growing up without a father in my home, made it hard for me to respect my husband, unconditionally. I didn’t even know what that meant, or looked like. 

My mom was the boss, and she was always right. 

But self-righteousness is just as toxic to a marriage as your spouse’s refusal to take accountability. 

Religious leader, Hank Smith says:

Placing blame in marriage is like saying, “Your side of the boat is sinking.”

Competition is a form of separation. 

Unless, you’re aiming to be single, don’t  compete with you partner. 

Instead, choose peace. 

Marriage is an ongoing lesson in surrender, which makes it hard. 

Taking the high road and submitting is annoying; sometimes, we want to feed our egos.

But, the Bible encourages us to be committed:

“And let us not grow weary while doing good, for in due season we shall reap if we do not lose heart.”

Galatians 6:9

To stay motivated, remind yourself of your “whys.”

Your family is your “why.”

Breaking generational curses is your “why.”

Don’t play the blame game with your partner.

Finger-pointing doesn’t inspire positive change.

Instead, let your husband be drawn to you by your gentle, pure, and kind spirit.

God sees your efforts.

Every time I let go and choose love, with no strings attached, something amazing happens. The world responds to me better. I’m more impactful.

My husband softens when I soften.

And, there is no scoreboard because we are on the same team.

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Fears of Being a Single Mom Kept Me in a Toxic Marriage. Why You Shouldn’t Ignore Signs of Infidelity

By: Jordyn Taylor | Jan. 16, 2019

I told myself and others that I would keep quiet about the reality series “Growing Up Botched”

… or “Growing Up Hip Hop”

And, I deleted some ugly truths from my Instagram page, as a means to heal and move on from the pains of my past.

But, since the demise of my family is currently being aired for entertainment purposes on WE TV, I find it only fitting to use this experience as a teachable lesson to other women and/or men.

GUHH Promo Clip

What I’ve learned from this experience is to ALWAYS trust my gut, no matter what.

Energies don’t lie. 

Don’t be a fool in love like me, ladies and gentlemen. READ THE SIGNS, or it will blow up in your face, on social media, or on TV!

For days, and sometimes weeks, we drove around in his mistress’s white Range Rover.

We even went on several “date nights” using her vehicle.

Of course I questioned why his “boss” was so generous with her luxurious SUV. It doesn’t matter what excuse he used… I went along with it. 

Not long after, there were gifts being delivered to our house (Designer wallets, an Apple Watch, etc) … thanks boss!

Next, Pepa was insistent on meeting me, just so I would feel more comfortable with their “working relationship” ya know?! 

So, we had dinner at Mastro’s in Beverly Hills for my birthday, followed by VIP service at an exclusive LA nightclub.

After months of being a housewife and a stay-at-home mom, I needed a wild night of fun, and had a blast!

So, I graciously thanked the two of them online for giving this “new mom” a well deserved hangover!

Despite the “turn up” that night, I remember feeling a strange energy, but I couldn’t tell if it was the patron shots or my intuition. So, I put on a lovely smile, rejecting my concerns & standing by my man. 

Plus, after several failed attempts to kiss me, in the night club, I was convinced that “P” wanted “The P” – meow!

She was so affectionate. We held hands a few times and she kept rubbing all over me in the car, and in the club. (Sorry guys, there was no threesome, I’ve never been with a woman, and I’m not attracted to women.)

Video of me and Pepa

But, while in the car, I remember her hair and makeup artist, Troy, saying: what kind of sister wives sh*t is this? Are you going to have him and his wife?  

Huge red flag, but of course I disregarded his remarks, and blamed it all on the liquor. 

Then, there were all the business trips and awkward phone calls where she’d say: tell Jordyn I said hi! 🙄 And my deceitful husband saying, “P. really likes you, babe.”

I remember on Halloween, she called repeatedly to see what we were doing. Annoyed, I thought: we’re trick or treating with our son – like most families. Now, go get a bowl, you old witch, pass out candy to the kids… and leave my family alone! 

But the hubby defended her lonely calls – explaining that she was new to LA, didn’t have any friends & just wanted to hangout with “us”

One night, there was a text message that read: I wish you were here! 

Again, I chose to believe my hardworking husband. She was talking about him “being there” as her security guard. Silly me for thinking otherwise! 

I even accepted their narrative that she was his mentor, or like he said “an aunt” to him.

A blind man could see these were lies, yet I chose not to!

And, I can’t forget the epic request for Auntie Sandra to be our daughter’s god mother!

Our gender reveal

One evening our toddler found a wad of cash in daddy’s lunch bag.

“Where’d we get so much money honey?”

But, instead of answering the question, I was accused of snooping around. This is why he couldn’t trust me!

Deflection is sign of infidelity. It’s a tactic nearly every cheater uses. I knew this, yet still chose to stay.

Here’s the lesson: 

Don’t fight so hard to keep your family together that you close your eyes to the truth. I know walking away from your marriage/relationship is scary, especially when children are involved.

But, “til death do us part” does not mean your spouse gets to take advantage of you.

It took me a while to accept this, and to accept the fact that the family we were building was over!

I was so in love. And desperately wanted my son and daughter to have a two parent home. A family with one shared last name and united by love and happy memories together.

Family memories

But, regardless of how you imagine your life, or how “picture perfect” your family may look, it’s imperative to love yourself more. Leave if things don’t feel right, and if your partner breaks his/her commitment to the relationship. 

I feared being a single mom! That had me stuck on stupid.

But, what I once feared is now making me stronger than ever! I’m evolving as a woman, and I’m so grateful to be free from all the lies.

Single mom strong

Most importantly, I’m motivated to be a good role model for my daughter. She will grow up knowing her worth and honoring herself because her mommy is doing it now!

Super Blessed

It’s essential to be clear about who you are as a woman, before you can be a wife, a mother, a sister, or a even a good friend.

We teach people how to treat us when we decide to stay or leave.

And, while searching for answers and trying to heal from the destruction of my family, I learned that we are not seeking love when we stay in an unfaithful or unhealthy relationship, we’re seeking acceptance & validation.

If this is you, do what I did and get to the core of why you’re seeking someone’s approval! Walk away from anyone who dishonors you in any relationship.

I take full responsibility for the role I played in the downfall of my marriage. More than ever, I now know the importance of using my gut as my guide. 

I’m loving myself more by setting firmer boundaries & I’m no longer making excuses for people who hurt me. (I.e. he has trust issues, he was abused, he’s been hurt in the past.)

Take those love shades off and see people for who they are. There’s no excuse for being mistreated.

If I had loved myself more, my family would have never been on “The Wendy Williams Show” with the host mocking Salt N Pepa’s throwback song, “I’ll take yo man!” 

Wendy Williams video clip

I’m not sure if either of us were born during that era, or during Pepa’s “golden years.” But, I do know she didn’t take my man. She bought him – for about the same amount that she probably paid for her “bonus booty” and chemical peels.

It’s too bad we can’t buy wisdom with age!

Be blessed my friends. 

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