I remember thinking, I never want to travel with him again. My husband’s pre-travel anxiety used to drive me so crazy, I actually preferred the idea of him flying ahead of us. I thought it would spare me the stress of his constant nagging about packing earlier, getting to the airport hours ahead of time, and basically planning for every worst-case scenario. In my mind, I had it under control, and his anxiousness was just adding unnecessary tension.

But now? The idea of traveling without him stresses me out more than anything!

It’s amazing how a shift in perspective can change everything. Today, I have more empathy for my husband’s travel anxiety. And while his behavior still sometimes gets on my nerves, I’ve come to realize that there’s a lot of truth to some of his concerns. We really shouldn’t be packing last-minute or cutting it close on arrival times when traveling with kids. By preparing ahead of time and understanding his anxious tendencies, I’ve learned to keep the peace—not just for my husband, but for our whole family.

Here’s how shifting my mindset transformed our holiday travel experience and some tips to help you combat travel anxiety in your family while maintaining the joy and togetherness that the holidays are meant for.

Let’s face it—travel can be stressful for everyone, but for some people, it triggers deep anxiety. My husband’s need to get to the airport early or pack days in advance used to feel like overkill. But once I understood that his anxiousness stemmed from a genuine fear of things going wrong (missing flights, forgotten items, delays), I started to see the situation differently. He wasn’t trying to drive me insane; he was just trying to create some control over an unpredictable process.

Why It Happens: My therapist says many people experience travel anxiety because they don’t like uncertainty. The unknowns of travel—flight delays, lost luggage, airport lines—can feel overwhelming. Recognizing that anxiety often comes from a place of wanting to avoid mishaps can help you approach your partner with more patience and empathy.

Solution: I was advised to acknowledge my partner’s feelings and look for ways to balance their needs with my own. For example, I’ve learned to pack earlier to ease my husband’s stress and arrive at the airport two hours before the flight (instead of my preferred one hour). It’s not about giving in, but about finding compromises that make both of you feel at ease.

One of the biggest breakthroughs for me was realizing that I couldn’t change my husband’s anxious tendencies, but I could change how I react to them. Instead of letting his worries trigger my own stress, I started mentally preparing myself for the things that I knew would likely come up: questions about packing, concerns about timing, and comments about potential travel disasters.

The Shift: When I know what to expect, I don’t feel blindsided or irritated. I remind myself that his anxiety is about feeling in control—not criticizing my planning skills. By being prepared for his anxiousness, I’m able to respond with calm and understanding, which helps keep the peace.

Pro Tip: Try to focus on what you can control, rather than getting frustrated by things you can’t change. Mentally prepping for the inevitable questions and concerns goes a long way in keeping your cool.

One major source of conflict in our early days of traveling was feeling like I had to manage everything. I’d do all the planning, then feel overwhelmed by the details, only for my husband to swoop in with concerns or criticisms at the last minute. Cue: major blowups. But then we realized that setting the plan together was key.

The New Approach: Before any trip, we now sit down and plan as a team. We talk about packing, timing, airport logistics, and even seating arrangements for the kids. He can express his concerns, and I can share my thoughts. This way, both of us are on the same page and we’re united as a team from the start.

Why This Works: Planning together gives your anxious partner a sense of control, while also taking the burden off of you. Plus, it eliminates last-minute stress and miscommunication. When everyone knows their role, it’s a game-changer.

I used to think that I had to handle all the details—everything from packing to itineraries to rental cars. (Spoiler: I didn’t.) Over time, I realized that part of my stress came from being too controlling. I didn’t trust my husband to handle the “important” stuff, so I tried to do it all myself. But that only led to more arguments and frustration.

The New Plan: Now, I delegate. My daughter helps pack, my husband is in charge of booking the rental car (even if it’s not the exact one I would choose), and my son gets to help pick out snacks, kind of, my daughter takes after her mama and tries to choose the snacks as well lol  Delegating not only takes pressure off me, but it also gives the rest of the family a role in the travel process. It turns a once-stressful task into a team effort.

Letting Go of Control: Let’s be real—even if the rental car isn’t perfect or if the snacks aren’t the ones I’d pick, it doesn’t matter. What matters is that we’re together, creating memories. Letting go of control has allowed me to focus on the joy of the trip, rather than stressing about the details.

As much as I love my kids, traveling with them used to feel like refereeing a boxing match. My son would argue with his sister about who got to sit next to me or who got the window seat. The bickering added another layer of stress to our travel days.

The Fix: Now, we settle seating arrangements before we board the plane. Sometimes we take turns based on who got the window last time, and other times we make a game out of it (flipping a coin or a quick game of rock, paper, scissors). Setting expectations ahead of time has helped tremendously.

Bonus Tip: Get your kids involved in the planning! My daughter loves packing her own bag (and she’s surprisingly good at it). Giving them small responsibilities not only empowers them but also distracts from potential conflicts.

At the end of the day, holiday travel is about more than packing lists, seat assignments, and flight times. It’s about spending time with the people you love and creating memories that last. The stress of travel can feel overwhelming in the moment, but when we shift our focus to the joy and connection that holidays bring, the little things—like a wrong rental car or a delayed flight—start to fade into the background.

The Mindset Shift: Travel doesn’t have to be perfect to be joyful. When I learned to focus on the big picture—our family time, the experiences we’re creating together—it made all the difference. Letting go of the need to control every detail opened up space for laughter, connection, and fun, even in the midst of travel chaos.

Family travel will always come with its fair share of challenges—especially during the holidays. But by understanding your partner’s anxiety, preparing mentally, and working together as a team, you can keep the peace and avoid those dreaded pre-travel arguments. The goal isn’t perfection—it’s creating memories and finding joy in the journey, chaos and all.

So this holiday season, let’s focus on spreading love, laughter, and peace (and maybe delegate a few more tasks!). Because at the end of the day, it’s not about the perfect trip—it’s about the moments that make it magical.